


the year ends, just like our love ends

by literally_jams



Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Angst, M/M, This Is Sad, new year's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9142519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_jams/pseuds/literally_jams
Summary: harry is in love with peter. peter is in love with harry, too. or at least, he was.





	

**Author's Note:**

> im not getting kissed at new years so harry isnt either shrug emoji
> 
> also i wrote this in like august was i ok

it is fifteen minutes to midnight, and harry lost peter.

  
mary jane was throwing a party, she lives in a big empty home that matches her big empty heart.

  
gwen and peter and harry make her feel less lonely, make the house seem less empty.

  
the entire grade and then some filled the hallways of her home, liquor spilling and kisses being stolen and beds being ruined.

  
this is why harry throws parties in other people’s homes. he can’t be bothered to clean.

  
harry and peter were talking to mary jane, gwen nowhere to be seen.

  
peter said he was going to get some food and harry smiled at him with the love of a thousand lifetimes, as he usually does.

  
peter smiled back, not quite as fondly. he’s been doing that lately, being distant. harry doesn’t ask.

  
he’s too afraid to ask. (he’s too afraid of the inevitable, peter doesn’t love him anymore.)

  
when peter left, the first thing mary jane had said to harry was, “god, osborn. you’re so goddamn whipped.”

  
harry had smiled softly and said in return, “i know.”

  
this is where harry is now, peter gone for ten minutes, talking about peter with mary jane. (funny, how his life is nothing without peter. _he_ is nothing without peter.)

  
“are you going to kiss him for midnight?” she asks.

  
“as if i’d kiss anyone else.”

  
mary jane has a look on her face that might be sympathy and harry ignores it.

  
“what about you?” he says to her.

  
mary jane scoffs. “some hot person who’s willing.”

  
harry shakes his head. he used to be like her, once. he says he likes this life better, but he might be lying to himself. he doesn’t think about it much, in fear of getting to a conclusion he’s known for a while, but hasn’t acknowledged.

  
it hasn’t been an eventful year. peter and harry still live together, peter still works at the daily bugle, harry is his loving house boyfriend.

  
it hasn’t been an eventful year. except peter took a turn in september and harry has had new company since then. his fear and everything he had put away before peter.

  
harry is trying. he is trying more than his best, he is giving it his all and everything else he doesn’t have. he has been clean for the whole year, no drugs or smoking and his drinking has gotten better. he can count on one hand how many drinks he’s had this year.

  
harry is learning. he is learning how to love and cherish and he is learning everything he should have learned if only norman was a better parent and if only harry had opened up earlier.

  
in september, harry remembers the first time he said “i love you,” and peter hesitated before he said it back.

  
in september, harry remembers how the dates have become less frequent. he remembers how peter doesn’t hug him or kiss him anymore. he remembers how he kisses half heartedly.

  
in september, harry feels peter’s love fading away.

  
peter doesn’t hold his hand like harry is the most precious thing he has. peter doesn’t look at him with softness and adoration anymore.

  
harry doesn’t ask. he never does. he is scared of peter letting it out and leaving, he is scared of peter telling harry he never loved him.

  
he is scared because he knows peter doesn’t love him.

  
harry loves peter. harry loves peter with everything he has and everything he can get. peter is his beginning and his end, peter is his creation and destruction.

  
if harry tried to get clean for himself, he would have never made it this far. harry had done it all for peter. harry does everything for peter.

  
“a minute to midnight. better find your boy.” mary jane says.

  
his boy. peter is his boy. harry never gets tired of hearing that.

  
“a minute to midnight. better find your kiss.” he replies. he turns around and finds his way into the kitchen.

  
fifteen seconds to midnight.

  
harry finds peter in the midst of drunken people and red light and the new year countdown blaring through the speakers. (harry will always find peter.)

  
peter is sitting next to gwen. they are talking happily and harry sees a smile on peter’s face that he hasn’t seen since september.

  
ten seconds.

  
harry is glued to the spot.

  
peter is leaning into gwen.

  
six seconds.

  
this is the inevitable. this is where it ends.

  
gwen is smiling and she is leaning into him.

  
two seconds.

  
peter’s hands are on her neck, she takes off his glasses.

  
harry’s hands ghost with the warmth of peter’s hips.

  
“happy new year!” the speakers say, but harry is only focused on gwen and peter.

  
his hands are tangled in her hair, her hands are on his arms, he is kissing her with all the love he had never shown for harry.

  
they break apart after a while.

  
harry is hurt. harry’s heart is cracking in this moment and his tears are threatening to fall and he doesn’t care anymore. let them fall.

  
gwen and peter rests their foreheads together. they are in love, harry can see that.

  
the worst part is, harry doesn’t know what he did wrong. he doesn’t know what he did to make peter leave him. maybe harry didn’t try hard enough.

  
he knows he is unworthy of peter’s love, but harry is a selfish man, and he wants peter. he needs peter. peter doesn’t need him. peter doesn’t want him.

  
he doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he should pack and leave, no note, no nothing. harry doesn’t know if he should pretend not to know, wake up tomorrow morning with peter on the other side of the bed, and say to him, “where were you, love?” and hear peter say back, “i was in the bathroom. sorry to miss new years. i’ll make it up to you.” only for peter never to make it up for him.

  
harry doesn’t know a lot of things. he only knows that he is in love with peter parker and that he was born alone, it should only make sense that he die alone.


End file.
